Kevin (Ex Lover)

Chapter 1: Every chosen word, all his sentences, I could feel them

I promised myself to be very strict when it comes to finding a lover. The first day on the dating website was explosive. I received lots of emails from men. Single, settled or married. I wanted to respond to every one of them, but that would take me days…

So, I scanned very quick. Is the man attractive? No, block. Is he writing like he is in the same mental age? No, block. Does the email look like he read my profile? No, block. Do I like his profile, the way he is ‘advertising’ himself? No, block. A few men passed my daintiness, but after chatting with them I could instantly feel if there was a connection or not. It was harsh to cut to the chase so quick, some even got mad for not giving them a chance. For me it was just wrong to continue a chat, just to please the other person. It saves time for both sides.

A Day later, I received an email from him. He wrote to me he was smiling when he read my profile and invited me to read his profile to see if I would smile in return. And If so, that maybe we could exchange our fantasies. With a few clicks I visited his profile. I was not smiling. My mouth opened, yes, but it was because I was amazed.

Every chosen word, all his sentences, I could feel them. There was no photo, but all I cared about was that I had to chat with him. I just had to!

I am the one who types the first message to him, not even building up the conversation, just letting him know right away that I totally agree with everything written in his profile.

“So, I didn’t scare you with my daintiness?” he asks with a winking emoticon.

“No, your profile is like a mirror to me.”

I smile a bit. He is using the same words I would use.

He asks me if I want to see his photo. Of course! I am a bit afraid though… Maybe I am not attracted to him?  But somehow… I am convinced that he must be good looking. I open his photo… And stop breathing for a bit. Wow, he is handsome! He has a cute smile with dimples and eyes that sparkle. Yes, I am liking what I see. Now I am nervous. In my profile I said that I was goofy exotic and gorgeous. I hope he doesn’t expect too much. I decide to send him a live picture. It is an option to take a photo of yourself within the chat app. He will get a notification that the photo is made real time. Click, send!

“This is what you get, if you wake up next to me one day,” I say.

My photo, no makeup, hair still bit wet from the shower and of course my cutest smile. I carefully watch the ‘is typing…’ on top of my screen, to await his response.

“So pure and honest, that is very attractive!”

He admires that I dare to send him a photo like this and says he likes what he sees.

“And it is really not to please you!” he adds.

It makes me happy that he approves my looks, this is a sign for me to continue the conversation.

He surprises me that he wants honesty right away. He wants to know when I don’t want to continue chatting with him. Is this for real? I’m thinking. Because, this is exactly the way I work. Not wasting each other’s time. Cut to the chase.

“Does your girlfriend know about this?” I ask him.

His girlfriend doesn’t know about his secret dating. He tells me that they have been together for more than ten years. They even have young kids together. Crap, he has kids. I really don’t want innocent kids involved. Somehow my strict lines are blurring while chatting with him. It is the effect he has on me. It makes me weak to distance myself. I tell him my situation, that I am married and share everything with my husband. This scares him, he fears blackmailing. I understand his situation and ensure him that I am discrete. He wants me to know that his family is his number one priority. For me it is important that he knows I am an open book towards my husband. We leave this subject for what it is.

To be continued. Follow me to get a notification!



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