Chapter 6: I look at him and I am craving… I want to kiss him

I feel so awkward for making a clumsy impression. I did warn him I was goofy. He just laughs and says he is 6 feet and 6 inches tall. I am 5 feet and 6 inches myself. At first sight he doesn’t look like someone I would go to for a little chat. But then again… I am an introvert. His clothing style is a bit too neat in my opinion and he wears a bit too much aftershave. He is still smiling, he looks exactly like his pictures. And it looks like he is taking good care of himself. Good, I feel relieved.

We walk to the cafe near the theatre, but nobody is inside. It looks closed. How can this be? According to the website it should not close until 9 o’clock. Inside my mind I am cursing. Get yourself together, be confident, you have a backup plan. That is what I am thinking. The backup cafe is even better. I feel blessed. It looks cozy and we can sit on a bench outside. Which I prefer! I can stare away without looking rude. He is sitting on my right side and orders us a drink. I am so glad that he is taking the lead in the conversation. He talks about his two jobs. Which is interesting, but I can’t help myself to stare a bit too long in his eyes. They are dark blue, the type of blue I have never seen before, like a night sky that is lit up by stars. I want to touch his hand, but I am afraid, too shy. Earth to Anne. OK, it is my turn to tell something. I tell him about my work and my love for sports.

The waiter comes again and asks us if we want another drink.

“Just one more drink, is that okay with you?” I say while looking at him.

He nods, but then turns a bit silent. The waiter leaves.

“Do you still like this date? You can always leave if you want?” he says.

I realize what I have done. Ordering another drink was a sign for him that I am not interested and want to go home.

“No! I don’t want to leave! I like you, but I am so nervous and shy. I just don’t know what I am doing or saying” I say out loud. “Do you still want to continue?”

“Yes!” he makes a joke about me being shy. “We can always text each other if it makes you more comfortable?”

I laugh.

We quickly finish our drinks. I want to pay for the drinks, but he is not allowing me to do it.

“I still have some vacation money left,” he says and steps inside the cafe.

I have no choice and at the same time I think it is very manly of him. As he walks outside I can’t help but stare.

“To the van?” he asks with a nervous face.

“Yes please.”

We have some silly small talk on our way, but in the back of my head I am thinking of the fantasy. The one where I push him into the van. Would I do that in my present state of mind? No…

He opens the van and invites me in. I take off my coat and look around. This feels awkward but also very exciting. He enters… He is sitting next to me now. My heart is racing. I look at him… I am craving… I want to kiss him. We look into each other’s eyes and start kissing each other passionately. It feels weird. I feel guilt. It has been more than ten years that I kissed someone else. And… His tongue, it is so big and strong. Do I like this? Crap, is it not working out? I am thinking. I keep kissing him and feel that he is adjusting. Within seconds we find our flow. It doesn’t feel weird anymore.

“May I sit on your lap?” I ask.

He nods and I climb on top of him.

My God, the kissing becomes more and more intense. This arousal, it is insane. My whole body is burning and is full of desire. Our hands wandering, to explore… His hands find their way under my shirt. He looks at me when his fingers reached my bra.

“Am I allowed?” he asks.

I just nod.

He opens my bra and frees my breasts. His hands… He is caressing the skin around my nipples, slowly grabbing more. I can’t think straight anymore. Then my phone rings. It is my husband.

To be continued. Follow me to get a notification!

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