Chapter 11: I cry like I never cried before, my heart feels torn apart

WARNING: Skip this chapter if you don’t like sadness.

It is Saturday morning. I must work within a few hours, but I can’t resist to search for his name. I know he has his own company and what kind of service he delivers. So, I Google the service and add his town to the search bar. I get a lot of results, but after some scrolling I see a company which totally matches his stories. It is a bit weird that his website doesn’t contain a phone number or address, just a contact form. I guess he wants to be in total control of all the communication. I search again on Google, if there is any information about his company… And jackpot. I see a phone number, even an address. I eagerly add the number to my phone and check if he has WhatsApp. My hunch was right. I am staring at his picture, which confirms the company is his. I still don’t know his name though.

Five years ago, I started a company of my own, so I know you can access information about the owner of a company on the company register site. You must pay a little fee, but who cares. I am way too curious. I receive the information and scan for his name. I feel ashamed and warm. His name is Kevin.

Shall I tell him? Or keep it a secret… I am going to tell him.

“Good morning, I have to tell you something,” I say.

“Good morning, what is the matter?” he asks.

“I know your name…”

“What??”

“It is Kevin.”

“Please tell me you erased your search history! Or does your husband already knows my name too?”

I keep silent for a bit.

“Be honest with me…”

“He knows…”

“I can’t believe you! I told you to be careful!”

I try to convince him that he can trust my husband, but I am making it worse and worse… My husband, Bob, sees me getting emotional and is interfering. Saying what I have to say to Kevin.

“Honey, he can’t be trusted. If he doesn’t trust us, it only means he can’t be trusted himself. I know these kind of people,” Bob says.

He keeps on interfering, it makes me crazy. “Let me handle this, leave me be,” I say to Bob.

“Are you picking his side? Are you serious?” Bob says and walks away to the bedroom.

“Let’s talk after work,” Kevin says.

I run to Bob to give him a hug, but he doesn’t want to be hugged.

“I want you to quit! I don’t trust him!” Bob is furious.

“I don’t want to quit, I can’t quit,” I say desperately.

“You promised me to quit if I don’t want this anymore. So now I ask you to quit. If you don’t quit we have some serious issues in our marriage!” he says with an upset tone.

I don’t know how to respond. I run to the kitchen, leaning on the counter. I start to feel week in the knees and burst into tears. I can’t stop crying. I cry like I never cried before, my heart feels torn apart. I don’t want to quit my adventure with Kevin and I don’t want to ruin my marriage with Bob.

“I can’t… I can’t…” I sob and scream.

My whole body is collapsing and I find myself on the ground. Everything aches. I am heartbroken. I can’t think anymore. I try to cool down, because within an hour I must work. Bob passes me by, ignoring me. That even hurts me more. I walk to him.

“Can we please work it out?” I ask.

“No, I want you to make a decision and I want your answer before you go to work!” he demands.

I start to cry even harder, but I know… I must let Kevin go.

“OK, I will tell Kevin it is the end…” I say carefully to Bob.

I start typing to Kevin, full of emotions: “I have to quit our adventure. I can’t lie to my husband and will always tell him the truth. You can really trust him, but wanting me to not tell everything to my husband makes my husband not trusting you. He wants me to quit because of that. I really don’t want to quit. I really don’t want to quit, but he is my number one. Like your family is your number one. It hurts… Hurts like hell. You already mean so much to me. So much, I can’t describe it. Maybe in time I can talk to you again, but for now this is goodbye. I am so sorry! I really don’t want this. Goodbye…”

To be continued. Follow me to get a notification!

 

4 thoughts on “Chapter 11: I cry like I never cried before, my heart feels torn apart

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