Random thoughts: Frustrations

I had serious doubts about posting this, but in the end they are my pure raw feelings I had at that moment (this was January). Skip it if you don’t like whining.

I feel ignored, maybe it is my sexual frustration speaking out loud. It is not even my period, but I am having doubts again. Yes! AGAIN! The last time I saw Kevin was more than a month ago. He is just super busy all the time. I really believe he is, but I also feel like I am wasting my time on him. I have been the one who start to text him and because of that I feel like a total burden to him. I don’t want to claim him, I really don’t. He could at least text something to me. I guess I am not that interesting anymore. Because if we chat, it is always about him. He never remembers things I have mentioned anymore. OK, maybe it is his attention disorder, but seriously…

Come on. He leaves me hanging like… like I am going to be there always. I don’t know if I should confront him, maybe I should. Shake things up a bit, make him fight for me, hunt for me. Because that is what a man needs right? Maybe I spoiled him too much and made it too easy for him. BORING!

Ugh… what to do?

The last question I asked was, if we should meet next week. Because I couldn’t date him this week and in the end neither could he. There is like no response! Since Wednesday, it is Sunday now. That means he just read it on Wednesday and never checked the chat app again. Maybe I am overanalyzing. But it feels like he totally forgot about me. I know, I am second place, but this is frustrating.

Our chat history looks fine. We are telling that we miss and long for each other, but maybe it was only because I send him a pretty picture. I know pictures work for him. He is a very visual being. All men are I think. He wants to meet soon. He repeats that often. Does he really mean it? Or is he really that loaded with work? What has he been doing all holiday?

I can’t ignore him for long. It makes me think that he might be thinking I don’t miss him. Why is this so complex? I hate this emotional roller coaster. I just wish my husband could kiss like him, had a penis like him, feeling my flow like him and having a strong back like him. This is ridiculous. Why is sex so important to me? Why is attention from him so important to me? I need to focus on something else. I know he cares for me, he is just caught up in his work and his social/family life. Like really caught up and if I ever found out it is a lie… I don’t know what to do…

I HAVE AN ADDICTION!

Breathe in… Breathe out… And remember the rule… Prioritize my own life above all…

 

11 thoughts on “Random thoughts: Frustrations

  1. You know, it is ok to have multiple men in the rotation. If it is just about the sex, then you should consider finding another guy to fill in the gaps. Perhaps someone with less baggage that can see you more frequently and more easily. Then you can work in Bob sitting in the corner with his collar on watching another guy fuck you. Just sayin…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kevin has a lot of baggage indeed. I don’t know why I feel this loyalty to him. I do like him a lot and he is the first man I kissed and had sex with since my marriage. I think you are right, that it is OK to let multiple men into my life. If I meet someone who I think is worthy of my time, I will venture… thank you Mike.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m a part time Bull to a couple where the husband is 20 years older than his wife (he’s 70), and he enjoys a slight cuckold aspect to it…tells me he loves to see his wife get fucked, loves to see my cum leaking out of her, loves to slide his dick in after I’ve fucked her, etc. I play up that dynamic with some slight teasing, etc. I’m also orally bi, and the wife LOVES to see me sucking hubby’s cock, especially if i do it at the same time I’m fucking her…She cums like an explosion! I don’t think Kevin realizes what he has. He needs to put some effort into it, especially since Bob is involved. Gotta remind him that there are 2 of you and both need to get something out of it.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I would love a situation where everybody is pleased. At the moment Kevin is pleased because he live his own life with a mistress who has a lot of understanding and patience. Bob is also pleased with me telling him everything. It is just me who is frustrated.
        And wow, so amazing that the wife comes like a explosion! Slightly jealous ;).

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Mike, I think it’s time for you to expand your horizons.

    Take a piece of paper and write down what you expect out of a relationship with a Bull. Then put a check mark by each one Kevin fulfills.

    Think of this of it from the guy’s perspective, he’s getting free pussy with no entanglements from a hot chick who wants to push all his buttons. I’ve been the Bull for a number of women and always did my best to fill whatever void was in their lives. In many cases, it was just NSA sex to help the husband with his duties or to do something their husband would not do. I currently Bull a couple of MILFs whose husbands love to watch their wife getting taken care of.

    But the one thing I always keep in front of my mind is to respect the woman and try to satisfy their needs and desires. They know that I’m not trying to break up their marriage or cause problems, I just want to fuck their brains out (tacky I know). As the Bull, I don’t want to screw up a good deal.

    Cast your net and pull in someone who is a better fit for your situation and Bob’s. Bob is going to love it a lot more if he can watch and get sloppy seconds right after the Bull pulls out! Maybe you could chain him to the doorknob so he can’t join in until your Bull finishes with you and is forced to watch every detail and listen to you moan?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will take your advice about writing down what I expect. I thought I had that figured out at the beginning, but hey… this is a journey, a new adventure. I really getting to know myself too and like the self-exploration.

      Kevin is indeed getting free pussy. Never saw it that way, but it is the truth. Kevin is not acting like a bull at all. I tried to explain to him, even showed him websites, but he didn’t showed any interest or asked questions about it. He is just a cheating man hehe.

      Goodness, you sound like such a respectful Bull Larry! Thank you for helping me out.
      I am not going to cast my net yet, but won’t say ‘no’ if a good man passes by and peaked my interest.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good for you, a relationship is something that should benefit both people and you may just have to kick Kevin to the curb. Didn’t mean to sound crude but hopefully, that’s not how it came across. Respect is something that both parties deserve especially if you’re in this for the long haul.

        For me, being a Bull is something I enjoy and it’s especially good that my wife is lovers with most (all) of the Hotwives I take care of. Funny thing is that she’s never (to my knowledge) slept with any of the cuckolds as their thing is watching their Hotwife, unlike swingers in general.

        Cuckold-Hotwife is a common aspect of swinging and a lot of couples are into it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “to kick Kevin to the curb” is unavoidable hehe. It is just a matter of time or for me to accept my place and look for an extra male. I am a long haul girl and will look for another one day myself if this is not improving. Just don’t feel like going through the whole process again.

        I think I would loved your wife Larry!

        Liked by 1 person

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