Chapter 45: I miss penetration. I need it.

I read on a forum that you have to be assertive as a hotwife to get what you want, which is a challenge for me. But it does give me results when it comes to Kevin. A few minutes ago, I asked Kevin bluntly if we should meet in a hotel tomorrow evening. He got all blushy mushy of the idea. His agenda is not allowing us to meet though and that is OK. My success is that I made him think of me, of the memories we have together and let him crave for a date.

I have a plan for our next hotel meeting. I want to realize our fantasy with oil and after that I would love a nice warm shower with a lot of kissing… Maybe more. I know Kevin by now and he is never going to propose that fantasy, even though he wants it. I am starting to see him as a new submissive where I need to take control at the start. He is not a puppy dog like Bob and not a kitten like me. A big dog perhaps? Who is afraid of what this kitten might do. I might scratch, but he definitely follows me if I take the lead, wanting to play with this kitty cat. Last date during sex, he asked me several times what I want and somehow I feel scared to confess to him that I wished that he would eat my pussy like no tomorrow. I shouldn’t be hiding this from him. I am also scared of getting too wet, that I would make his backseat dirty. I have to confess before our next hotel date. I will make it my purpose.

I just confessed everything. I want to hide somewhere. I am afraid of his response. My heart is racing, I feel vulnerable. He read it, but is not responding. I feel scared. I do have his blessing for using oil. So, that is great. But now I am digging my own grave or he thinks I am still cute. I hope the latter.

He was stuck in meetings and said it was good to know my confession. He thought it was sweet. I feel relieved now and thank him. I hope I revived his burning desire for me today.

A week passed.

I tried to not text Kevin, but today I did. I am still so afraid of being a burden to him, even though we talked about it in the hotel. There is like an eternal fight in my head. Not text him, to make him miss me, but getting scared he might think I am not interested anymore. Or text him, so I can bring a little smile on his face, but not too often, else I would become too mainstream. And if I text, what do I text? Just a hello is so boring. Am I crazy for thinking that deep over a simple text? With Bob or Eric I just text away. I know I am truly wanted by them. Then again, Kevin is Kevin. What is it about Kevin that still keeps me from breaking up with him?

  1. He is attractive, great hair, beautiful eyes, tall and strong.
  2. He is a great kisser. I am instant wet when he kisses me.
  3. He can set my body on fire with just one text.
  4. We share same passions.
  5. He is very sweet and patient.
  6. We still have sex fantasies to fulfill.
  7. There are always very good reasons for his absence and not lame excuses.
  8. When we talk about life, we flow and can’t stop talking.
  9. Big penis!
  10. We can get in a magical ‘not-from-this-world’ trance.

OK, that is enough! I stop at ten. These ten positive reasons are definitely worth to keep him around and I got a text back in the meanwhile. Kevin is not doing well. He went to the hospital for a check. One of his symptoms could be a the result of a STD, but he ensured me that couldn’t be the case. Since he only had sex with me and I only had (physical) sex with him and Bob. Kevin doesn’t want me to panic and thinks it is stress and having low resistance. Bob agrees with the low resistance. I think it will be OK, but I do worry about Kevin. This is only the start of being overworked and maybe a burnout. He says he is not overloaded with work anymore, but that is the perfect moment that a burnout can kick in. The moment when you don’t have goals or no strict deadlines, the body will collapse physically and mentally. I ask him if I am causing him stress and his answer is a firm ‘no’. Which I am happy about. Kevin also asks if we could chat again in the evening. Of course I would love that, what a silly boy. I will always respond fast to his texts. So, I say that it depends on him and that I will be around. Gosh, I sound desperate. Kevin thinks it is sweet though. For now no more dates until he gets his health a bit up.

Something still worries me. Kevin is not having sex with his girlfriend anymore. I can’t imagine not having sex (in any form) with Bob. It is one of the best intimate connection two people can get. Recharging and finding each other. Speaking of sex and connection… I watched a very erotic video were a couple enjoyed each other underneath an artificial waterfall. It turned me on so much and while thrusting the dildo in my vagina I got very emotional. I can’t have this with Bob. I can’t be penetrated in all kind of positions. I am lucky if I can get penetrated by Bob. I cried hard like a baby. I miss penetration. I need it. Kevin is the only one who can physically penetrate me at the moment and he is taking a step back. Of course I shared everything with Eric. Eric is concerned about me, saying I might want to look for another man. He wants me to enjoy life fully, which is so sweet. Why is Eric so perfect? And do I want another man? I choose to be patient. I am positive Kevin will date me again when he gets his health up. If I happen to meet another guy (meaning not look for it) and an opportunity presents itself, then I wouldn’t say no. I am not desperate for penetration, but I do dream about it a lot.

Eric is not feeling well. So… There is no session this week and even if he wants to, I want him to feel better first. I am not running away from him anyway. I will wait patiently until the next time. Doesn’t mean it makes me go a little bit crazy. I crave to see his face and to be in his control again. Sometimes it feels like I need Eric the most, but it is not fair to compare. With Bob and Kevin I have different needs.

A Week later… Silly Kevin is mentioning again that we should have chats more often. I guess it is the way his mind works, being in the moment and not realizing he has said such things last week already. I talked to him about Bob’s penis. I think I haven’t mention it to him before. Kevin reacts surprised, because he thought I was having sex on a daily basis. I explain to him that sex can be in different forms and that it is the penetration that I miss the most. He understands now and I thank him that he can be the one to give me that little bit of extra. He also thinks it is brave of Bob to share me with him and he respects Bob very much. I am also happy to hear that Kevin’s health is getting up.

Another positive event happened. Kevin had a good conversation with his girlfriend and that they got closer. I was so happy to hear that. I still have hope for their relationship. Might sound strange to hear those words from me, but I am not a jealous mistress. I see myself as a bonus girlfriend, who is happy when Kevin is happy too. Though it makes me want to step back, to give them some space. I feel like I am interrupting, but then again that isn’t fair to Kevin. He can tell me when he wants me to step back. It is not up to me to fill in what he is thinking.

Hopefully we have a date soon.

To be continued. Follow me to get a notification!

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3 thoughts on “Chapter 45: I miss penetration. I need it.

  1. Hopefully, you will be able to get back in the sexual groove with these three men. It is a tough spot to be in…three men in your life and unable to have penetration. Love the Kevin’s big cock made the top ten list…so sexy when a woman admits to craving a large one 🔥

    Liked by 1 person

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