Chapter 52: Kevin… I am crying now

Kevin is not really interacting with me. I talk to Bob about it, but he is leaving the decision up to me on how to continue my adventure with Kevin. I need to give Kevin some space to recover. It would be very selfish to stop the thing we have going on, because he is ill. He needs his time to get fit again.

July… Three months after our last date.

Kevin wants to date again. He tells me he is much healthier now. I am thrilled to hear that and my heart skips a beat to meet him soon. But… The moment I ask him when to meet, he is struggling to find a date. He is buried with work and needs to check his agenda. I end the conversation that I will wait for his proposal (for a date of course LOL).

One week passed.

Still no answer. I don’t know the reason and I absolutely refuse to nag like a mom. He must have a good reason for it. Then again… I find it simply rude to keep me waiting. I know it is not in his nature to update me. I tried to guide him, but as a shy and introvert woman it is hard to do. Doesn’t mean I am going to ignore him if he text me. I think in his eyes everything is fine between us. To me? I wish I could just freeze my feelings for him, until he starts to contact me again. In the worst case scenario… If Kevin wants to stop… Then I don’t know if I want to find another man again. I consider myself extremely lucky with the men I have. I don’t have the energy to check crazy dating profiles and fish for a man. Maybe I feel different about it a month from now.

Two and a half weeks passed.

Bob still says to not text Kevin, to leave my last message as is. That when he opens our chat, he will still see my words that I will wait to hear from him. I can’t help to feel sad. I want to wish Kevin a good holiday, but he needs to see my last text. Sigh, I don’t like to be in the dark like this. Even though I said to take his time to focus on himself to recover. What is my limit? Am I patient enough to wait a few months? What am I going to tell him when a month has passed? What if he has a fallback? And is terribly ill? He would notify me… I hope… I just checked if he was online on another app (not our usual app). He was… Yesterday… So, nothing wrong with his hands and he is still alive. Kevin… I am crying now.

All right, man up! I have set a deadline for myself. August. That is one week from now. I want to ask him: “haven’t heard from you anymore, are you OK?”

Fuck… I know it is sweet and naive. I don’t want to make assumptions and give him a chance. What if he says that he was busy with work? That is a possibility of course. It makes my deadline more reasonable, because he is going on a holiday trip with his family end of July. No way, that he is too busy on his days off. So… If he says he is OK and everything is fine. Then… How will I respond? Sigh, I am still fond of him.

My period is almost over now.

I can think a bit straight again. I read back what I said to him. It was me who gave him space and told him to take all the time in the world (he is still rude for not getting back at me though). I leave it as is, because in the end, he is still precious to me. So… Yes I wished him a good holiday, because I want him to enjoy it without stressing over me and my feelings. He deserves a nice relaxed period after a roller coaster year with lots of deadlines. He is only working hard now, to work less in the future. That way he can spend more time with his family.

Kevin thanks me for my patience. He still wants to see me… Desperately. I think I believe him… Or should I end our adventure…

To be continued. Follow me to get notifications.

 

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