Do I seriously need to confront Kevin again? There is no interest in me at all. No, ‘how is your injury?’ Nothing… All I ask is some communication from time to time. Even if it means telling me that he doesn’t have time. Fuck, I hate this. The only thing I get is a quick ‘after-date-chat’ and him trying to make things right with me when I am upset. This isn’t healthy. Eric and Bob even feel frustrated for me. Both support me if I want to find someone else. I guess Kevin and I are not compatible in the end. Our adventure is simply not progressing.
Is it really never coming back? Like how we were in the beginning. When I still received a sweet message… It looks like I am always starting the conversation. I could give him feedback. He said that. I can text all I want, but if he doesn’t read it. What is the use? I give it a week, to wait for a response from him. Then what? What do I want? What am I going to tell him.
This is my limit. I can’t take ‘no communication’ anymore. I don’t think you know how much courage it takes to send you a simple message or feedback. As much as I love our chemistry, my fire burns out when there is no fuel to it. I blame myself for hoping and wishing you could answer a message or tell me you can’t. Because I believe in making time for a special person, even if it is just a minute. But that is me. I don’t want to change you in someone you are not or force you to send me a message. I just miss the thing we had at the start, but it feels like a far away dream now.
I am going to open up again to other men. I don’t know when, because I need to recover from this first. I might ruin all my chances with you saying that, but the fact stays that I need sex, the wanting, the needing, the whole play…
If you still want to respond, you have my number. I am deleting this account soon, because I can’t bear ‘staring’ at it anymore. Being neglected hurts my heart.
You will always be special to me.
Endless tears are running down my face now. Do I really have the guts to send him this letter? Isn’t it selfish of me? What if I have regrets? Am I really protecting myself? What if he does respond within a week? Am I going to give him a chance again?
For now I am waiting.