Bob lays next to me on the bed and reads my goodbye note to Kevin. He approves and asks me to send it right away. He doesn’t understand why I have an imaginary deadline.
“Then you are done with it,” Bob advises me.
“OK, you are right. I am afraid though.”
“I have one question… Do you really think I can’t give you erotic plays?” Bob looks a bit insecure.
“Of course we do have sweet lovemaking sometimes. I exaggerated it in the note, to make a point to Kevin.”
“OK, I thought so. I was just checking.”
“Come here my little puppy. I love you so much!”
Bob curls up against me with his cutest face and cuddles me hard.
I do one more check on my goodbye concept to Kevin and add a thank you. Because I truly did enjoy our magical dates. I copy my note, paste it in the app and hover my thumb over the ‘Send’ button.
“I am afraid!” I say to Bob.
“Don’t worry. I am here for you and Eric will also be there,” Bob comforts me.
I press ‘Send’.
I look at the ‘S’ of sending and wait for the ‘D’ of delivered. But the app is not delivering or Kevin’s phone is dead again. Sigh! Why on earth now. Just my luck. I did check on another app if he was online and he was…
20 minutes passed. The app still didn’t send my message. Bob is also curious about it and asks me to check it regularly.
I try to sleep, but wake up at 3AM. I quickly check the app, still ‘S’. Like a true stalker, I log in to the other app and see that he was online, meaning his phone was not dead.
I send Eric a message around 4AM. He comes online 30 minutes later. Eric knows how to comfort me and supports whatever choice I am going to make with Kevin. Eric is so perfect. Time really flies when I talk to him.
5:30, I need to get up for work. I am exhausted and slightly emotional. I pet my cute puppy. He looks adorable with his sleepy eyes. I tell him that I had a rough night and couldn’t sleep.
“Why didn’t you wake me up? You can always do that,” Bob says with a worried face.
“It is OK, Eric was there to comfort me.”
“Ah, then it is fine. Good!”
I feel happy that Bob is so used to Eric. I kiss him and leave for work.
I search on Google what could be the cause of my message not being delivered. The result tells me it is stuck on the server and waiting for the user to come online. I should just logout already…
And so I did… Plus, I removed the app. I mailed Kevin my goodbye note, just in case the app might never deliver. When will he notice? Is he going to accept my goodbye? Was I too cruel towards him? Time will tell.
I could manage work with loads of coffee. On my way home I get a little emotional. I feel sad for myself. I invested a lot of energy in Kevin. For example… I always traveled to him, he never traveled close to my home. I told myself he was worth all the effort, but in the end I might have spoiled him. I was always ready to chat when he finally had time, because I was afraid that I would miss out. I just thought we had something special. I feel like a fool. I do my best to not cry in public and try to give my thoughts a positive turn. If I didn’t give a lot of time to Kevin, then we wouldn’t have those special dates. So at the moment itself, it was worth it.
I am going to take the day off tomorrow and have some ‘me-time’. Going to keep you posted if Kevin gives me a response.
BTW, my diary is pretty much ‘real-time’ now.