NRE (new relationship energy) or maybe a sex addiction? An addiction for sure. I see Charley regularly, but I miss him so much every time he leaves. We keep on waving to each other until he is around the corner. Me, peeping half naked behind an almost closed door and Charley with a smile so bright that it lightens the North Pole in the winter.
Doesn’t sound very crazy, right? Wait for it…
Bob and I are in our car. We had a full day of training with a friend, who we dropped at his house. I wanted to wait a bit to ask Bob if it’s still OK for Charley to come over, but patience is not my middle name. I took a walk with Charley yesterday and we talked about meeting today if Bob still has some energy left. The whole ride I was frustrated that I couldn’t talk about Charley, because our lifestyle is a secret to our friend. My mind went berserk. I created all kinds of scenarios in my mind to meet Charley.
“How are you feeling?” I ask Bob.
“I’m good! It was a good training,” Bob responses.
“I want to ask you right away, can Charley come over?”
Bob turns silent.
“I really want to see him!”
“But you saw him yesterday and the house is a mess… AND it is late…” Bob says trying to keep his patience.
“Yesterday feels like such a long time. I have an idea. Can I book an hotel? That way we can dodge cleaning…”
“No, do you hear yourself? You are speaking nonsense now.”
“But I want him! So much!”
“Sorry, but you got to accept ‘no’ this time and it will both do you good to build up extra desire.”
I am bumped, but respect Bob’s answer. I text Charley that we can’t meet each other tonight. He answers very short. I try to soften my message, that I really was looking forward to see him. I am afraid that he might be disappointed again, like last time. Charley doesn’t answer. I fall asleep.
It’s 5AM. I can’t sleep anymore. I check my phone right away. No message from Charley. No confirmation that he read my texts. Did he got upset again and ignored me? I wonder. My stomach is turning. I find the situation strange, because he was online a few times and Charley always sends me a message when he is online. Something is not right. Why am I over analyzing? Please brain, stop…
I start to cry softly after a few hours staring at the ceiling. The sobbing sounds are waking Bob up. Bob looks concerned and asks me what happened. I explain my thoughts to Bob. He doesn’t find my mind maze weird at all and cuddles me as hard as he can. Bob is wide awake now and goes to the living room. I want to stay in bed for a while to be alone. I stare at my phone again. Charley is online. He always sends me a ‘good morning’ right away. I am not so lucky today…
Bob sends a text to Charley, without my knowledge.
“Anne is pretty bumped she couldn’t meet you, but she is more bumped that you are not responding to her messages. She is brokenhearted about it.” Bob texts to Charley.
I receive a message from Charley, almost right after Bob’s message. Charley explains his girlfriend had a panic attack again and that he was so tired from work that he went to bed early. I do believe there is some truth in it, but still… He could have at least show some sign of life. It has become so normal to me that we talk a lot, he always tells me when he can’t respond. Part of me thinks Charley is making an excuse to cover up his disappointment.
Charley calls to sooth me. He wants me to call him if something is wrong and he tries to convince me that there are no hard feelings about canceling last night. Charley manages to set things straight between us. He also thinks I am being silly for wanting to book a hotel.
“I would have never approved your idea!” Is what he said.
I feel good again and talk to Bob about my conversation with Charley.
“I think he contacted you, because I contacted him,” Bob laughs.
Bob confuses me and shows me the message he sent to Charley. I see Charley typing to Bob. He thanks Bob for giving the heads up about my emotions and is also thankful that Bob can hit my brakes when needed.
“Anne and I can get lost in passion. So thanks for setting limits. It was kind of cute though, her idea of a hotel,” Charley messages Bob.
I have to admit, it was a bit crazy to desperately want a hotel. I am just a woman in heat, an impatient one who needs a good fuck.