My last two posts were flashbacks from November last year. This long intense post follows up on I miss sex, meaning back to the present.
I am in tears… Like unstoppable streams running down my cheeks. Yes, I have been sad before when it comes to Charley, but not like this. And of course my period is intensifying my emotions. I am so sexually frustrated! I know Charley is also in it for the friendship and another reason for no sex is my injury. But at this point I rather have him not visit us at all. I try to be flexible with everything. I don’t want to treat him like a piece of meat, but I do want something sexual every time he visits. Let me tell you how our last date went… And if I make any sense to you.
Before Charley arrives, I always make sure I freshen myself up and wear something cute or sexy. This time I wear a nice tight yoga pants with a partly see through crop shirt. Bob thinks I look smoking hot in it and wants to grab me right away. The pants gives a nice view of my hourglass figure and round booty. I start the evening very happy. I look so forward to see Charley. I missed him. This is the first evening in a long time that I will see him. Last month were only quick visits, due to my injury and his work.
Charley is running late and gets some leftovers. He does bring a present, but not for me… It is for Bob. I am slightly jealous, but try to be happy that he brought something to make my husband happy. Though Bob told me later, he finds it awkward and that Charley should think of me more. After dinner he needs to make some phone calls for work. Of course I am not going to protest. Deep inside I am jealous again of the time he doesn’t spend with me. I continue to spend my evening with Bob, until Charley is done.
Finally Charley is back after one hour. I say that I want attention and invite him to lay down with me on the couch bed. We start kissing and cuddling, but for fuck’s sake… He starts to small talk with Bob. I try to be patient, but what is it with men (especially alpha men) in groups, who want to talk with men only. I am not included and feel ignored. I try to get his attention by kissing him, but it doesn’t even effect Charley. He continues talking and so does Bob. Bob seems to have fun, but really tries to cut Charley’s attempts off. Bob can read my body language. I even ask Charley now, that I want kisses. Still… He kisses me quick and then starts a conversation with Bob… AGAIN! I give up and just cuddle up to him and listen to them. I try to focus on my little Bobby’s happy face, because I seriously feel ignored. Charley grabs his phone when they are done talking. I kiss and caress him, but I feel unanswered. When he finally puts his phone away, he just lays still to receive my touches. I know he loves it and normally I stroke his hair and caress his body with pleasure. But today I feel like Charley is only taking from me, not giving. I would kill for a passionate kiss, to let him caress my body, to feel his naked body or gaze into his beautiful eyes.
“Hey Bob, shall we play a game?” Charley asks.
“No, I want attention!” I say.
Charley stays put, but is still only receiving my touches or typing on his phone for work. I give up again and tell him I am going to play a game myself, that he can play with Bob if he wants. I know I should be brutally honest with Charley… I just don’t have the courage today.
OK, fast forward and back to my drama tears. I share my mind with Bob. I cry in his arms. I tell my puppy that yesterday was too much for me. I am already depressed about my injury, but feeling not wanted by Charley makes me terribly sad. Maybe I was hoping too much that he would ravish me, since I gave him permission to try safe sex positions which are possible with my injury. Having my period shouldn’t be a show stopper to at least make out. Bob understands how I feel, but tells me that Charley is stressed with work and has a lot on his mind. That I shouldn’t blow up the situation, because I don’t have a lot of stress release myself and my world is small at the moment. He has got a point, maybe my feelings are a bit selfish.
“Try to distance yourself a bit from Charley,” Bob says.
“But we tell each other good morning every day. It would be weird if I stopped,” I say.
“You can forget a day right? Just try it and make him long for you, so he starts fighting for you again. A man needs the hunt.”
“I know men like to hunt, but I think being in this dynamic is different. All the time is precious, since we have to be flexible and understanding with everything. I don’t like to play those stupid games.”
“Just try and see if it works.”
“I will give it a shot, but will stop when I don’t feel good about it.”
Bob and I go to bed. I still can’t sleep. Bob sleeps like a baby, he needs his sleep. I on the other hand go back to the living room. I start to make a draft, a note to Charley. I can’t stop crying while typing, but know I need to get my thoughts on ‘paper’. Else I won’t stop thinking and stare at the ceiling. My note to Charley is a confession. I confess that I feel insecure and jealous. That I feel that he is giving Bob more attention. I give him examples of what happened yesterday and try to focus on that day. I personally think it is not fair to give feedback to someone over things that past way back. Let bygones be bygones. I don’t know if Bob is going to approve my note, since he told me to keep my distance. But maybe my note might wake Charley up and maybe he gets his spirit back to hunt me again. In my post Lovers triangle dynamics I said I really want to invest in Charley and this is me doing it. I think he deserves my honesty, though I don’t want to send the note without Bob’s approval. I will go to sleep now and wait for Bob’s feedback in the morning, then I will send my note to Charley.
Bob thinks I did a good job on writing everything down and gives me the green light to send my words to Charley. Message send, now I’ll wait. I even explained to Charley that this is my way as an introvert to let him into my mind. I am afraid if I call, that I will not tell everything or that I will turn silent if we talk face to face. With Bob I am better trained in communication, but we also had our hiccups at the start of our relationship.
After a half hour, I get a message back from Charley. He is really devastated to hear that he gave me those feelings of jealousy and insecurity. He tells me he loves me so much. Finally, he opens up what is bothering him. It seems Charley is scared of Bob. Bob had an outburst towards Charley, like a month ago. I can’t tell you the details of the issue, just that we helped him out and Charley was not being transparent. Bob and Charley talked it out the same day and shook on it. Bob is the forgive and forget type of man, but Charley is someone who is still worried that Bob will have a future outburst again and will open up the issue from the past. Since that moment, Charley is scared and careful. Charley made the friendship between the three of us his priority. Now I finally understand why he has been so friendly and focused on Bob. There is more though. He admits that work is pretty tough the last few months, like Bob expected. Charley is doing a lot on his own for his company and needs to be available on his phone. Another reason I might feel distance is that Charley got used to being careful with me, because of my injury. He is thankful that I shared my thoughts, now he finally confesses that he does want to make love to me. He just didn’t want to be selfish, he didn’t want me to feel that he is only in this relationship for sex. That was terribly sweet to hear, my heart almost can’t handle it. I promised Charley that I will be more clear in the future. Charley shares he was so used to our ritual, Bob on the floor and then make love to each other. This whole new situation with no sex is awkward for him. He didn’t want to go all the way with me when Bob wasn’t in his cuckold state of mind, scared that Bob might freak on him.
After his message he calls me up. I do start crying, but I am mostly glad that we shared our minds. We have a good talk and are both happy. I pass my phone to Bob and let them talk. Their conversation is longer. Bob feels sad for Charley that he is afraid and tells Charley that there is no reason to be scared. Bob will never put an end to our lovers triangle with veto power. He comforts Charley that he is always prepared to talk about any situation. We just need more experience in this relationship and get to know each other better. A good balance will come overtime, as long as we keep communicating and share our minds. Charley is going to try to tell Bob his worries sooner in the future. Bob is glad and only wants to help. This day must be quite intense for Charley. He is not used to have a relationship like this, with full emotions and openness. Something he and his girlfriend don’t share.
Does Charley fails like a bull? No, I don’t think so. Still I think it is a bit strange for someone who is in to cuckolding to think that the cuckold husband would rage on the bull for pleasuring his wife. In my opinion Charley should know by now that Bob only cares about my desires. I feel relieved though. Communication in any form really helps. As long as every party is open to learn from situations and feedback, then I trust that we can continue our relationship.